It began with a skype session with my best friend. We were talking about my love life, and continuing lack of a love life, when she admitted she didn’t know why I was single. Yes, she is the perfect bff.
I told her that I wanted to be a published author before I ‘met’ someone.
There was a moment of silence.
An inner self-shriek of ‘where’s your self-worth?’ Do you really believe that you can’t find someone without being a published author? And the answer was scary, it was a yes. I really didn’t believe that I had anything to offer anyone. That nobody would want a 32-year-old honours student, waitress, who dreamt of being a writer.
My best friend, said, ‘Pen, they aren’t going to fall in love with a book.’
Tears began. Nice tears. Tears that I had a crazy, delusion belief that I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough to be loved.
And after that conversation I realized I needed to change. I had some serious love work to do on myself, or perhaps, within myself.
Cuddled up in bed with Robert Holden, his book not the man himself, I began reading his book ‘lovability’. And he reminded me that I hadn’t done any ‘I love myself’ mirror work – also advocated by Louise Hay.
So at 10pm at night, I sat in front of a mirror and spent twenty minutes sending myself loving messages like ‘I love myself’. And then I spent some time sending love to areas that I don’t usually feeling positive or loving in like ‘I love my body’, ‘I love my writing’ and ‘I love my money’.
The next day, I decided to do the same. Start the day with love. I sat in front of the mirror for ten to fifteen minutes and repeated the same loving messages. The result: I had the best day. I felt strong and positive throughout the day. I enjoyed my work, my colleagues and was productive and efficient. I went to the gym and did a fierce and calorie burning workout. I ate a beautiful dinner and even made ginger and peanut butter (amazing) vegan muffins.
Saying ‘I love you’ and spending time filling myself with love – felt like I was positively fueling myself. Normally Monday’s I feel burnout, exhausted, and low energy. This Monday was love-charged, joyous and empowering.
I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to love: To create a dialogue around different activities to increase my self-love and expression of love.
I’m determined to be a more loving person and to live a love filled life.
Wishing you love xx
Penelope Jane Jones.