Hatred is a strong word, but I’ve been feeling too much of it lately.
Mostly it boils down to my current living arrangements. You know that my current housemates are moving out, and I was beyond happy about it. It’s been hard work to live with four people in a three-bed room apartment, and harder still to live with a couple.
However, now war seems to have broken out.
I’ve said one of my values is love – and I’m having trouble remaining loving towards them (the couple) or the situation. The problem
is money, of course. I can handle people eating my food, using my shower wash/bathroom supplies, stealing my kitchen items – but try and fuck me over with money and a tsunami of rage destroys every pretence of civility.
I’ve always thought of myself as a generous person, but I like to decide when to give. I don’t know how to simply ‘turn the other cheek’ – I want justice to prevail. But I also don’t want to be this angry, vengeful person.
There’s a lesson and blessing in everything. So I’m going to focus on the fact that I’ve had cheap rent and a nice place to live for the last two years. I’m going to appreciate that money is just energy, and I welcome new energy into my life to replace the old. I’m going to forgive my flatmates and acknowledge even if I don’t like what they’ve done, or condone their actions: they are human beings and deserve love and goodness. I’m going to pray for abundance for them and for myself.
PS - I'm not going to try- I'm going to do it :)
In the last few days, I’ve been squeezed, by working more than I want in a short-staffed environment. Unfortunately stress, anger,
irritation, judgement and hatred were what emerged from me.
All this negativity is a product of my thoughts “I hate this, I don’t like this, this shouldn’t be like this, they are doing this too
me,” etc. This constant barrage of vile thoughts led me to being unhappy and upset. However, it’s time to get real – I’m the one with the problem.
One of my main values is supposed to be love. I’m in breach of this. I’m not focusing on the love or being loving. Another value is
spirituality – I’m not being grateful for the things I have- a job, workmates I love, giving customers an amazing experience, management that supports me (and awarding me prizes). Instead, I’m choosing to take a pessimistic view on the situation.
Yesterday, I wasn’t a being a light and love in this world. I can’t control what happens around me, the only thing I can control is
Today, I am going to dedicate myself to living my values. I will think loving thoughts and focus on happiness. I will see the lesson and the blessing in all that happens to me, and be open to opportunity.
When I get squeezed today, I promise myself that love will be what flows out.
Failure, or the thought of, paralyses me. There is an internship elective as a third year subject for my University degree. Motivated, I researched different places to approach – and aimed high, finding a prestigious newspaper that offers one. They ask for a sample article to be sent with your application, and so even though I haven’t done any journalism subjects I spent hours researching an article on the refugee situation and the Malaysian solution.
A draft or two away from completion, self-doubt creeps in. ‘Why would they choose a non-journalist student?’ and ‘What I’ve written is forced and bland, this won’t be good enough for them’.
I stop writing my draft.
I don’t apply for the internship.
I haven’t applied for any internships.
Now, I have a choice. I can let fear rule me or rule my fear. Either do my best and give it a shot or not.
I may not be the best writer in the world, and I may not be what the newspaper is looking for. But, I am determined and stubborn. I will keep chasing after my dream, I will keep writing, I will do everything in my power to succeed…until I do!
As you know, I’m a waitress. So my weekend isn’t spent at nightclubs, SATC style with girlfriends checking out cute guys. My Friday and Saturday nights are spent serving the wealthy or those with entertainment cards – smiling, laughing at dumb jokes, persuading them that they need to tip large or get the hell out. It also means I miss out on a lot of friends birthdays and
celebrations, unless they give me five or six weeks notice.
Recently, I was given three-four weeks notice for one of my best friend’s birthday, it was a big night, celebrating a new decade but I
couldn’t get it off work. Not enough notice, and other staff members had already requested the night off. My friend was upset. I was upset. Work or my friend’s birthday? Easy choice, I would definitely prefer to go to my friend’s birthday.
But what can I do?
Someone said call in sick, but one of my values in life is honesty, so how can I call in sick and lie? It would mean not honouring
myself, or my job.
The only solution I could see was prayer. I said a heart felt prayer leaving it to the universe, and then my busy life took over and I
kind of forgot about it. I knew that if it was meant to be, somehow it would happen. Over the next few weeks leading up to the birthday, both my friend and I kept repeating. I’m lucky she’s into the law of attraction and believes in the power of the universe.
The Saturday of her birthday saw me at work early, and within two hours of being there my boss asked me if I wanted the night off. It was a miracle! It was the first time in nearly a year working there that I had been offered a Saturday night off. The rest of the shift I beamed - the whole of my being so grateful that I could attend her birthday.
I arrived slightly late to the address that the party was being held, and knocked on the door. She opened the door and shrieked when she saw me. The happiness on her face mirrored my own.
The morale of the story – miracles do happen.
Ask for help, ask for what will make you happy, and you
never know, you may just get it.
Penelope Jane Jones.