Praying

When I was eleven my parents separated. I remember praying from the marrow of my bones to God to bring them  back together. I’d never prayed with such intense desperation - I would pray so hard that I would be crying not to let my parents marriage fail, not to let my family fall apart. Despite my prayers, their seperation led to divorce. And it made me believe that prayers weren’t answered and there was no God. 

Maybe this is how a lot of people lose faith, in crisis they see no heavenly response and so the result is to believe that there is no divinity in the world. Since then, I’ve found my faith but it was only recently that I realised I still had an unhealed wound 
about God answering prayers.

What this week has taught me is that the universe answers all prayers but sometimes with a no. I think of it like a parent when a child asks for a third helping of icecream – sometimes a no is better for them then a yes. 

I believe my parents were happier post seperation/divorce then they would’ve been together. I believe that  my prayers were selfish of what I wanted, and not what was best for the family. And I believe that it was better that my parents were honest that they no longer wanted to be married to each other, than lie to each other, themselves, us children, and the community. Now, I can applaud their bravery in being authentic.

Now this all came about from a conversation with a friend, when I complained I had been praying for great guys to date but what I really wanted was something more serious, a divinely blessed union - or to decipher my hippie talk - the right one at the right time, for a long time. She asked me why not pray for exactly what I wanted and I replied I was too scared to pray for this, because I was scared to get a no from the universe. And this memory of praying for my parents to stay together and that feeling of denial from the universe came about. 

If I’m praying for something that is not in best and highest interests then the universe will say no to me, and I’m okay with that. So I'm praying to meet the man of my dreams, to have a relationship that is loving, appreciative, and blessed. I'm praying to meet the
man I will marry and have beautiful babies with. I'm still a bit nervous actually praying for these things, but I'm working on having faith that the universe knows what is in my highest and best good and will provide that for me. Feel free to say a prayer for me, I can use the help ;)

My prayer for you is that all your heart desires be heard by the universe and answered for your highest and best good and for the good of all involved.

Namaste