I’m addicted to being liked.
Writing is teaching me that people will never always like what you write or how you write it. That’s it okay not to be liked. I’m learning to let go of trying to control the good opinions of others, and allow them to think and feel however they want about my writing and me. And it’s such a relief.
Writing and creating is about the process, independent of the outcome – the mark or the reaction from the audience. Most of what I’ve written for Uni has been about trying to manipulate the tutor into giving me a high mark. Trying to write what they want to read. So it means, so far my writing hasn’t been brilliant.
For the last two years I’ve been referring to myself as a Uni student, not a writer, because all my writing has just been for uni. It’s
time to let my inner writer emerge, to own it and become it.
I’ve let all my fears that I can’t do it hold me back from really trying. I’ve told myself, I need to wait to finish Uni to learn all
it can teach me before I write. I’ve told myself it’s not time, I’m not good enough, I don’t have time. I’ve told myself a million lies.
I’ve started writing a novel, just a little - around two thousands words, and I’ve not shown anyone it because I’m scared they won’t
ike it. They’ll tell me its crap and stop wasting my time.
All this self-doubt becomes my writer’s block. I think about the characters, the plot, the literary layers constantly
- and in my head I can see it’s value and it’s worth. But I still can’t write it.
I tell you this not to try and win your sympathy or your help, but to own my truth of writing stagnation. And also to inspire you to
look at your own dreams, and be honest about what is stopping yourself from achieving them.
The first step is owning that your limiting yourself, and the second is changing your beliefs!
Penelope Jane Jones.