Are you ever terrified of making a choice: scared that it will be the wrong one?
Recently, I’ve been feeling a lot of fear regarding my future. Before I turned 30, I was able to make snap decisions, trusting in the higher power and that if I made a mistake it didn’t matter. Everything was taking me on a journey to my higher and better good.
Now, at 32, I fear making the wrong decision. Petrified of what it would mean if I choose badly. Scared to regret my own choices. As the Course of Miracle states: Fear is always a sign of strain, arising whenever what you want conflicts with what you do.
My Fearful and faulty thoughts:
1) That I can make mistakes, and that there are ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ choices.
2) That there is only one path to the future I wish to create, and if I don’t make the ‘right’ choices, then I will fail.
3) That I might (and can) disappoint myself, spirit, family, friends etc.
4) That life isn’t safe and doesn’t support me in all that I do.
5) That unless I’m very careful, I will create suffering, woe, and misery in my life. And these things I wish to avoid.
The list goes on, but they all arise from fear.
The course of miracle also states that: Whenever there is fear, it is because you have not made up your mind. Your mind is split, and your behavior inevitably becomes erratic.
It comes back to choices, and the way to make spirit-guided and blessed choices.
The course of miracle states: Before you choose to do anything, ask me (spirit/god/universe) if your choice is in accord with mine. If you are sure that it is, there will be no fear.
I had a few things that I had been struggling to make decisions about, but the two most significant were whether to apply for a PhD and what writing project to pursue.
I took a moment to align with spirit, and asked whether my choice to apply for a PhD was in accord with Spirit, and I received a positive/yes response. I asked which writing project to purse, and was also given an answer.
The stress and fear I’ve been feeling around these two decisions has been lifted. Now, I know that I don’t have to worry about outcomes, or right/wrongs, or the future. I’m in accord with the universe, with love, and that fills me with strength, joy and faith.
These feelings remind me that when you let love lead and let the universe drive, that you allow room for the universe’s plan to unfold. You become an expansive being of light, aligned and unified with the source of all things. You allow magic and miracles to blossom in you and in your life.
Wishing you love xx
It began with a skype session with my best friend. We were talking about my love life, and continuing lack of a love life, when she admitted she didn’t know why I was single. Yes, she is the perfect bff.
I told her that I wanted to be a published author before I ‘met’ someone.
There was a moment of silence.
An inner self-shriek of ‘where’s your self-worth?’ Do you really believe that you can’t find someone without being a published author? And the answer was scary, it was a yes. I really didn’t believe that I had anything to offer anyone. That nobody would want a 32-year-old honours student, waitress, who dreamt of being a writer.
My best friend, said, ‘Pen, they aren’t going to fall in love with a book.’
Tears began. Nice tears. Tears that I had a crazy, delusion belief that I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough to be loved.
And after that conversation I realized I needed to change. I had some serious love work to do on myself, or perhaps, within myself.
Cuddled up in bed with Robert Holden, his book not the man himself, I began reading his book ‘lovability’. And he reminded me that I hadn’t done any ‘I love myself’ mirror work – also advocated by Louise Hay.
So at 10pm at night, I sat in front of a mirror and spent twenty minutes sending myself loving messages like ‘I love myself’. And then I spent some time sending love to areas that I don’t usually feeling positive or loving in like ‘I love my body’, ‘I love my writing’ and ‘I love my money’.
The next day, I decided to do the same. Start the day with love. I sat in front of the mirror for ten to fifteen minutes and repeated the same loving messages. The result: I had the best day. I felt strong and positive throughout the day. I enjoyed my work, my colleagues and was productive and efficient. I went to the gym and did a fierce and calorie burning workout. I ate a beautiful dinner and even made ginger and peanut butter (amazing) vegan muffins.
Saying ‘I love you’ and spending time filling myself with love – felt like I was positively fueling myself. Normally Monday’s I feel burnout, exhausted, and low energy. This Monday was love-charged, joyous and empowering.
I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to love: To create a dialogue around different activities to increase my self-love and expression of love.
I’m determined to be a more loving person and to live a love filled life.
Wishing you love xx
Abandon free falling
self worth doubt
lying heart woe
all self inflicted
how my hand harms
Poor broken ballerina
you never got to dance
or tango. All you wanted
ash on tongue and
splinters in eye.
Can you breathe? How
tight the diaghram
hurting to squeeze
life in. Have you been
slowly dying since
the failed suicide
attempt at fifteen?
The answer unrequited.
Penelope Jane Jones.