A new friend and I entered into a conversation about books, and I exclaimed in rapturous delight about my love of books and reading. He hasn’t read anything for awhile, and asked me to choose a book and lend it to him.
The guy has big dreams so I picked out Norman Vincent Peale ‘The power of positive thinking’ and put it on my bedside drawer to
remember to give it him the next time we saw each other.
The next day I wrote the previous about corrosive self-doubt, and afterwards marinating in my negativity I felt drawn to pick up
the book. It was like I’d never read it before, as if the words were written for me to hear right now.
One of the first affirmations Peale teaches is, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians iv. 13.). This
reminded me that faith is what enables miracles to happen. There is nothing impossible when you are working with the Universe.
Self-doubt exists only when you have lost your faith, in yourself and the powers that be. Peale says, “People who are inwardly afraid, who shrink from life, who suffer a deep sense of inadequacy, who doubt their own powers. Deep within themselves they mistrust their ability to meet responsibilities or to grasp opportunities…they do not believe that they have it in them to be what they want to be.”
I don’t want to be a doubter. That’s not me. I’m a dreamer.
The first blog I wrote was about my story about being lost, not sure what I was meant to do with my life, what career would be
meaningful and give me fulfilment, and then I received my answer, which was writing.
I’ve forgotten why I write, or want to be a writer. And it’s not about the marks, or the applause from family/friends/world. I write
because it’s my calling, because of the joy and creativity that comes from writing, and because I love it.
So after reading just the first chapter of ‘The power of positive thinking’ I’m feeling back on track, energised and excited!
I don’t think my friend will be getting this book for awhile :)
I’m addicted to being liked.
Writing is teaching me that people will never always like what you write or how you write it. That’s it okay not to be liked. I’m learning to let go of trying to control the good opinions of others, and allow them to think and feel however they want about my writing and me. And it’s such a relief.
Writing and creating is about the process, independent of the outcome – the mark or the reaction from the audience. Most of what I’ve written for Uni has been about trying to manipulate the tutor into giving me a high mark. Trying to write what they want to read. So it means, so far my writing hasn’t been brilliant.
For the last two years I’ve been referring to myself as a Uni student, not a writer, because all my writing has just been for uni. It’s
time to let my inner writer emerge, to own it and become it.
I’ve let all my fears that I can’t do it hold me back from really trying. I’ve told myself, I need to wait to finish Uni to learn all
it can teach me before I write. I’ve told myself it’s not time, I’m not good enough, I don’t have time. I’ve told myself a million lies.
I’ve started writing a novel, just a little - around two thousands words, and I’ve not shown anyone it because I’m scared they won’t
ike it. They’ll tell me its crap and stop wasting my time.
All this self-doubt becomes my writer’s block. I think about the characters, the plot, the literary layers constantly
- and in my head I can see it’s value and it’s worth. But I still can’t write it.
I tell you this not to try and win your sympathy or your help, but to own my truth of writing stagnation. And also to inspire you to
look at your own dreams, and be honest about what is stopping yourself from achieving them.
The first step is owning that your limiting yourself, and the second is changing your beliefs!
Penelope Jane Jones.